Love in the Now | hewhopleasures's Blog

This whole being a Shaman thing has opened me up to a lot of things I don't understand: feeling energy from rock and trees and snails, realizing my understanding of people goes deeper than intuition, and seeing my place in the world in a whole new light.  So a few weeks ago I was in a psychic bookshop and feeling all the vibrations and energies.  I was looking for a book on Shamanisn so I could maybe learn something. I decided to trust that I would be guided to the book I needed.  So I opened myself up and walked around.  I didn't read any titles, I just let my eyes scan the shelves and opened my palms and chest to feel the energies.  I felt a strong connection and zoomed in on a book called "Sit Down and Shut Up".  It's about Buddhism as told by a punk rocker. 

I've only been aware of Zen or Buddhism or whatever from a strictly pop culture vantage point.  Little coy ponds or sitting in the lotus position and asking the hot dog vendor to make you one with everything.   OH! And those cute little waterfall things you find at the mall next to the little sandbox with the tiny rake.  But what the hell. If the Universe or whatever is telling me that this is the book I should be reading, why not.

So I'm reading the first chapter which describes the basic tenets and philosophies and realized that pretty much everything Buddhism is about is what I've been thinking/feeling/teaching my whole life.  I thought I was just weird, and it turns out I'm just Buddhist (and my friend says DUH!). Though frankly, I hate to put a label on it.  I'm sure there will be plenty of things I don't connect with as I delve deeper so I'll have to call myself a Zin Baddhist or some crap like that.  Whatever, I yam what I yam.

Anyway, it's really helping me to come to terms with the concept of life being a journey and not a destination.  I've always been about the destination - it's only logical, after all - but it never rang TRUE.  The idea of just BEing has always been a tough one, but now that I have some perspective on it, it makes total sense.  It was my resistance to my inner knowing of this necessity that has been creating all the screwedupedness in my life.

But like all things of beauty, there is the other side of the coin.  I don't know what Buddhists call it, so I'll steal a term from Abraham-Hicks: co-creating.  We all create our lives and when we create a situation that involves another person, that person is creating their own life at the same time.  Any interaction with another person is a result of CO-creating.  You manifested that person in your life and they manifested you at the same time.  If you are reading this blog that is a co-creation.  I wrote it - my manifestation - and you are reading and experiencing it - your manifestation. 

So what happens in the beautiful self-created world when we connect with someone?  Friend, Lover, Soul Mate, One-night-stand, whatever.  Now it gets a little complicated in the co-creation department. We're all turning to dust and whether you believe we go to heaven, or get reincarnated, or just decompose and that's that, we ALL agree that this physical chapter in our lives will end sometime before we've spent 120 years on this planet.  So, those of us who can let go of the illusion that we actually matter - or those whose passion or ego are so strong they are determined to make things happen - try to live life in the now to the fullest because we're gonna die soon and nothing really matters in our physical world. 

This is a hugely freeing concept. 

We make all these huge dramas out of nothing because we are tied to the physical.  A loved-one gets sick and we get all whacked out.  Or that check didn't come in and we're worried about the rent and the bills.  That jackass cut us off in traffic and we lose our minds.  But here's the thing: one day that friend will die; one day we will die and won't have to worry about rent and bills; and that jackass that cut us off really DIDN'T take anything away from us.

Once you grasp this concept you realize all the shit that happens in our lives is OK.  It's not the end of the world and even if it is - well, our world (our physical life) is ending anyway.  Que sera sera.

So back to the co-creating thing.  What happens when you decide the manifestation you want is to co-create with another person?  You want to become lovers or get married or move in together or just spend a shitload more time with each other because being with that person feels so damn good it blows your mind and consumes your every waking thought.  And yippeee, wahoooo, that person feels the same.  Now is when the shit really hits the fan.  Coordinating two lives that were once separate into one life.  OY friggin VEY!  Aside from the physical trappings like who moves in with whom, what crap do you have to sell/toss/giveaway because there's not enough room in the one space, where does the pet iguana sleep, etc etc etc, there's the emotional side.  The commitment.  The FEAR of if/when will (s)he leave me.

Instead of going on a rant about the philosophy of living in the now right here, I want to put this into perspective in our physical world. There is (arguably) a 50% divorce rate.  People get married, they learn to hate each other, and they split.  All our biggest fears from childhood come true. Abandonment, non-worthiness, we're gonna die alone, OH MY GOD IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD.  Oh, the drama.  But what REALLY happens?  We split, we cry, we heal, we find someone else.  Or become bitter and lonely.  Whatever, either way it's a CHOICE. 

So here's my question: If it is better to have loved and lost, then why do we fight so hard against it when we finally find someone to love?  We hesitate and think about it and worry about our stuff and our lives. All this wasted time when we could be spending that time loving each other. All this drama of jealousy and possessiveness and wanting what the other guy has (not realizing that the other guy has shit and we only see what he chooses to let us see). Even if it is only for one night or one month or one year, wouldn't it be great to commit 150% percent of your entire being to that one unit of time instead of missing out on the experience altogether? Or dancing around it and getting only a teasing glimpse of what it might be?

So back to the 'tis what 'tis idea.  You connect with someone and you want to spend time with that person.  But they aren't ready. They are scared.  They think you might not be fully into them or whatever. You want to scream at them that life is short and they are denying themselves a whole lot of intense love and passion and losing out because time is running out.  But the flip side is that 'tis what 'tis.  If the person isn't ready, that's OK.  It's only your own fear of time running out so stop pushing someone else into doing something that isn't right for them right now.   But it hurts. But it's OK. But it hurts. But it's OK.

Now I know why that yin yang symbol is a circle. It's not just about balance, it's because all of life's questions run around in a never-ending loop.  Why? Because there are no answers. There is no right and wrong. There is only what is. And we are stuck in our egos fighting that losing battle to make sense of it all.

Everything is new and I don't know anything.  And that's a beautiful thing.

LIFE IS A HIGHWAY
Rascal Flatts

Life's like a road that you travel on
When there's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside ev'ry darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore
Where brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate
To break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today

[Chorus:]
Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I wanna drive it all night long

Through all these cities and all these towns
It's in my blood and it's all around
I love you now like I loved you then
This is the road and these are the hands
From Mozambique to those Memphis nights
The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights

Knock me down get back up again
You're in my blood
I'm not a lonely man
There's no load I can't hold
Road so rough this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in
Just tell 'em we're survivors

[Chorus]

Gimme gimme gimme gimme yeah

[Chorus]

There was a distance between you and I (between you and I)
A misunderstanding once
But now we look it in the eye